I was still adjusting to that when I saw some spots of blood and my heart skipped multiple beats, I immediately called my doc and the 5 mins that it took for her to attend to me felt like the longest period in my life... she told me if its only spots there is nothing to worry and prescribed me some medicines... and life went on...
About 1 month later the horror stuck again, in the wee hours of the morning I woke up feeling wet in the legs and we rushed to the hospital, the nurses and docs were quick to give medication and the bleeding was stopped in some 20 mins which was not very heavy anyways... but I was kept in hospital for about 4 days and put on bed rest for a month post that, after what had happened... I was ready to be on bed rest forever if that was what meant saying my baby's life.
My mom was summoned from Delhi and hence started the bed rest pampering sessions, still accompanied my crazy so called morning sickness, it had become a joke in my house that if I was not to be seen on my bed I could be found in the loo puking... there was hardly anything that would stay inside me apart from IceCreams and I had loads and loads of it...
And as this was going on in 10 days the horror stuck yet again...and this time with a greater strength, suddenly out of the blue I started bleeding like crazy, N was traveling and mom didnt know to drive... so the neighbors were summoned and we rushed to hospital yet again.. By the time we reached there the bleeding had increased even further, the medication was given and we were asked to wait and warned that the chances of my baby's survival are 50-50%, my heart broke, my mom held my hand tight and I didnt want to let her go... I guess she understood what I was going through... N had also reached by then and I just broke down when I saw him and cried like crazy, had no strength to deal with it anymore...By this time the assistant doc had announced that there are lumps and baby parts coming out and the baby is surely gone, the doc will come early in the morning and do a DnC... I think that was the worst night of my life... both me and N were holding each other's hand and crying all through... I had lost the most precious thing of my life
Early morning the routine OT duties were done and I was taken to the OT for DnC... I touched my stomach one last time to feel my baby... the doc held my hand, ran a hand through my hair and I cried yet again... Anyhow I was given GA and then after couple of hours dazed I woke to see my doc's brimming face telling me that the baby is fine... For a minute I thought I am dreaming, that I am still unconscious under GA and dreaming about my lost baby but then the doc came and touched my head and I could a small tear in the corner of her eye too...She said no monika the baby is really alive and this time I cried truck loads but they were the tears of happiness...
How the baby was saved is a mystery still, my doc came to the OT and saw that the cervix was closed and felt tight, she did a scan, called N in and they both saw baby's heartbeat... and she came out of the OT without doing anything... My doc calls Ojas a Miracle Baby... she says that in her 40 yrs of career this is the first time she has seen this happening.... May be God wanted us to have him... He is truly a blessing
Post this I was on a strict bed rest all through and had a scheduled C-sect, which I dont regret a bit... I am proud of my scar that's where my miracle baby came from...
I wonder why women back such a big deal of normal vs c-sect delivery... because I didnt go through labor doesnt make a less good mom just as the fact I had a difficult pregnancy doesnt make a better mom
Motherhood is much more than some hours of labor and delivery infact motherhood is much more than those 9 months... motherhood is a lifetime of commitment, of love, of sacrifice, of braveness and of many more feeling I am yet to encounter.
Motherhood is what makes me complete, motherhood is a feeling of bliss
PS: cross posted at my blog
