ur heart walking outside ur body

Ojas has been very sick since Monday... now Ojas has had his share of not being well before.... when he was small he had reflux and used to throw every now and then sometimes even twice a day... blocked nose was his best friend from birth till about 4 months and then he had a diarrhea and fever attack when he was about 7 months but I have seen him like this... my heart is aching since Monday there are multiple times I have cried, just hugged him tight and had tears rolling down my checks...

I was in office on Monday when my mil called me saying that he seems to be warm... I told her to check the temperature and it was about 100.6 I asked to give her some crocin and told her will come home a little early and see if there is a need to take him to the doc... I had a couple of meetings lined up for the day so got busy and couldn't leave office till about 4:30 and when I reached home he had some 102 fever... I gave another dose of Crocin and took him to the doc... he has ear infection which is called Acute Otitis media... we came back home with an prescribe antibiotic and some multivet, ear drops for the pain... after reaching home I checked his temperature again and was stunned when i saw it... 103.8 such a small baby and such high fever... i couldn't react at all... just hugged him tight and cried a little... cursed myself for not leaving the office immediately... blamed myself for thinking that he'll be fine till I reach home...

Its heart breaking to see him suffering like this... its been almost 3 days and the fever still hasnt gone down...till the medicine has effect his fever will come down to about 99-100 and then he'll be jumping all over the house just like him and then fever will start raising again, along with fever will change his behavior... he will slow down, then sit and play, then come to my lap and play with the toy or book and then just lie down in my lap lifeless and that is what I cant bear to see... see him sit like this when usually he doesn't even sit for one minute throughout the day...the heart breaks when u see this... I think these are the times when u understand the most what it feels like having a child... I had read somewhere that "Decision to have a child is accepting that your heart will be walking outside forever".... I think today is when I have understood what that means...

Meanwhile I went to the doc again this evening and he asked to me wait till tomorrow afternoon and see if the fever comes down else a visit to ENT specialist will have to be scheduled....